I cant write anything here. Words can't represent my feelings.
Sorry god father... I don't get to see you before you leave... I am sorry.
I start to realize what kind of person I am.. I will reconsider myself.. Or I can't face any of them who really care for me..
I stop crying, seriously... I guess you won't want me to...
As I said growing and leaning in life need a price, but the price this time.. is really too large..
I need sometime, maybe a lot of time, also wanted to say sorry to all of my best friends and Bros... I really need sometime to reconsider myself..
Until the day... I am sorry.
R.I.P to my god father.
2009年8月31日星期一
2009年8月30日星期日
The Unsolve.
Some people have a special ability,we call it Insight. Which means they are able to know what are others thinking, emotion, action, practice, personality and style. It sounds cool. I know many of you have that ability, or maybe a little bit of it.
There was once Einstein said that humans are not even using more than 12% of their own brain, well , maybe he used more. And Marie Curie said :" If someone is able to know what others thinking, he or she maybe god, and this is the ability god is having."
So now, I said many of you having that ability , am I wrong?
Well, guess not, things change, and they made the statement 150 years plus ago.
Many of you do have that ability , me too, a little bit of it.
It is kind of a powerful thing to get someone to know another one and maybe impress by knowing what they want, what they like without telling. Sounds nice, it may help you to make up with guys or girls. With Insight, you can even get to know what is going to happen or what will he or she do in the next moment.
I got this ability after lots and lots of things happen to me. Other word my brain learn this ability itself. For me , I feel like kind of fun and happy while starting, knowing things I wish to know from some people, like personality. lolx.
So, getting to know someone personality letting us to decide wheather that person is good or suitable to mix with. And, things happen to be good, friend, bro/sis, very close with each other, couple or whatever.
But when the time comes, some of you might be the same, start to be afraid, fear about the ability of Insight. Knowing the personality of the one you know well changed. Changes of being not suiting to your personality. Start doing things which cause you to feel bad. Start to make up question like " why will he become like this " , " Is this the one i knew last time", " She is just this kind of person??" , bla bla bla...
" Things change and you cant expect all people remain the same over time " will be the most common answer we will get.
And the more you look into and getting know about what that person think or act , hope for getting some answers, yet the only thing you will get is more and more unsolve question and disappointment.
End of the day which I feel like knowing the thinking of someone isn't helping at all. Yet make me feel pressure and tension. Fear to lost a friend , or someone which you want to be with but you can't. It may be the ability of Insight fail me, or would be too high of expectation for someone fail the ability of Insight. It is no good.
These happen to make someone lost of direction. Asking what should be done.
Or maybe the ability is not complete or perfect, by looking in someone will not be the trueself of that person if he is pretending. And worst thing happened when he go back to his real " him".
Maybe it is not a right way, and somehow I stop to use the ability of Insight. Gaining nothing.
And maybe we are human , just because we are human, there is no need to use such ability. Who knows if 12% uses of the human brain is more than enough. Imagine if someone used up to more than 12%, what will be the counter react, facing question without any answer.
There was once Einstein said that humans are not even using more than 12% of their own brain, well , maybe he used more. And Marie Curie said :" If someone is able to know what others thinking, he or she maybe god, and this is the ability god is having."
So now, I said many of you having that ability , am I wrong?
Well, guess not, things change, and they made the statement 150 years plus ago.
Many of you do have that ability , me too, a little bit of it.
It is kind of a powerful thing to get someone to know another one and maybe impress by knowing what they want, what they like without telling. Sounds nice, it may help you to make up with guys or girls. With Insight, you can even get to know what is going to happen or what will he or she do in the next moment.
I got this ability after lots and lots of things happen to me. Other word my brain learn this ability itself. For me , I feel like kind of fun and happy while starting, knowing things I wish to know from some people, like personality. lolx.
So, getting to know someone personality letting us to decide wheather that person is good or suitable to mix with. And, things happen to be good, friend, bro/sis, very close with each other, couple or whatever.
But when the time comes, some of you might be the same, start to be afraid, fear about the ability of Insight. Knowing the personality of the one you know well changed. Changes of being not suiting to your personality. Start doing things which cause you to feel bad. Start to make up question like " why will he become like this " , " Is this the one i knew last time", " She is just this kind of person??" , bla bla bla...
" Things change and you cant expect all people remain the same over time " will be the most common answer we will get.
And the more you look into and getting know about what that person think or act , hope for getting some answers, yet the only thing you will get is more and more unsolve question and disappointment.
End of the day which I feel like knowing the thinking of someone isn't helping at all. Yet make me feel pressure and tension. Fear to lost a friend , or someone which you want to be with but you can't. It may be the ability of Insight fail me, or would be too high of expectation for someone fail the ability of Insight. It is no good.
These happen to make someone lost of direction. Asking what should be done.
Or maybe the ability is not complete or perfect, by looking in someone will not be the trueself of that person if he is pretending. And worst thing happened when he go back to his real " him".
Maybe it is not a right way, and somehow I stop to use the ability of Insight. Gaining nothing.
And maybe we are human , just because we are human, there is no need to use such ability. Who knows if 12% uses of the human brain is more than enough. Imagine if someone used up to more than 12%, what will be the counter react, facing question without any answer.
To the Nameless One.
Hi. From now I think we contact though comments ba, I will write my message at the comment to you under my blog post. Thanks for the comment. Others stuff I wrote under comment. Please to read. ^^
2009年8月25日星期二
The Heart
Heart is one the the important organ in our body; heart attack can't be cure, a doctor said.
Heart is use to listen to those things more than just using our hears, a musician said.
Heart is energy that beats every second along the journey, a runner said.
Different individual might say a different concept.
There is one day went to a fruit stall which i didn't realize it is been there for 4 years in my own living area. I brought some oranges. The first time i meet with the boss.
" Finally you came by to buy some fruit, young man."
" Do we know each other already? I though I am the first time here."
" Haha. I watch everyone passing by the street for the last 4 years plus. You live at the house up there, my daughter use to tell me everytime she saw you passed by. A weird kid walking alone without putting any emotion to his face."
" And your daughter?"
" She went study in Japan, don't think she is coming back."
" Haha, interesting, and why do you feel kinda happy when i am here buying fruit from you? It should be normal to you for anyone coming to your stall."
" I don't plan to run this business longer, since there is only me and my wife here. But still I feel kinda happy, to see you walking here smiling at last."
The moment he answer my question, I feel kind of shock. It is like there is some one who put his concern on me, for the pasy 4 years? what the.....
The time i even though that, he is there because of me, waiting for me to give him the ending.
I do realize, how many people, human think with their heart , but not their brain. Have you ever feel the real pain in heart? Why not your head? There is only heart attack. Why not brain attack?
In my life , ever the day I start to know what is emotion, whole of my life, it is like things happen in life running through the flow of my heart with others. Doing what I feel like doing. For every single thing happen , wheather it is good or bad, sad or happiness, they are going in my heart to keep me going to tomorrow.
Holding up all the memories and promises. Keeping in all the lesson and hard times. Gaining the things which i feel it is really valueble in my life, lke the old man at the fruit stall. All in or by my heart.
Thats the reason why I am emotional. And it is also why I learned and move on. It is why i can make promises when everyone feel like it is imposible for a human to hold on to. And it is who I am after all. There was a time when I am doubt that wheather it is no good to put too much emotion for what had happened. Yes it is no good. But not to everything. There are something still, you can't get to know, learn or feel without strong emotion, from heart.
By doing that, I put my soul on six of them, who actually able to indirectly affect my emotion, in other word, to control the feeling of my heart; the truth, I am the one think by using both my heart and brain.
And now , they had become the motion or strenght to every single thing I do to improve.
Yet , I do not lost myself. To be clear, putting the soul of my heart on the six of them is nothing to do for being myself.
And the reason I am doing it, maybe you are doing the same without notice yourself, simple, just because I feel free , happy , relax and able to express my emotion the time I am with them. And the real point i get to be myself when I am with them.
Human live in the time when we breath. How long more you should hide your emotion. Like me, there maybe someone who actually watching you longer or more than you even realize. Sorry for the one who can't get what I am trying to tell in this blog, try to think with your heart, not your head. haha....
*****
Use your head to find the answer when you are getting the work done.
Use your heart to find the answer when you are getting yourself done.
Heart is use to listen to those things more than just using our hears, a musician said.
Heart is energy that beats every second along the journey, a runner said.
Different individual might say a different concept.
There is one day went to a fruit stall which i didn't realize it is been there for 4 years in my own living area. I brought some oranges. The first time i meet with the boss.
" Finally you came by to buy some fruit, young man."
" Do we know each other already? I though I am the first time here."
" Haha. I watch everyone passing by the street for the last 4 years plus. You live at the house up there, my daughter use to tell me everytime she saw you passed by. A weird kid walking alone without putting any emotion to his face."
" And your daughter?"
" She went study in Japan, don't think she is coming back."
" Haha, interesting, and why do you feel kinda happy when i am here buying fruit from you? It should be normal to you for anyone coming to your stall."
" I don't plan to run this business longer, since there is only me and my wife here. But still I feel kinda happy, to see you walking here smiling at last."
The moment he answer my question, I feel kind of shock. It is like there is some one who put his concern on me, for the pasy 4 years? what the.....
The time i even though that, he is there because of me, waiting for me to give him the ending.
I do realize, how many people, human think with their heart , but not their brain. Have you ever feel the real pain in heart? Why not your head? There is only heart attack. Why not brain attack?
In my life , ever the day I start to know what is emotion, whole of my life, it is like things happen in life running through the flow of my heart with others. Doing what I feel like doing. For every single thing happen , wheather it is good or bad, sad or happiness, they are going in my heart to keep me going to tomorrow.
Holding up all the memories and promises. Keeping in all the lesson and hard times. Gaining the things which i feel it is really valueble in my life, lke the old man at the fruit stall. All in or by my heart.
Thats the reason why I am emotional. And it is also why I learned and move on. It is why i can make promises when everyone feel like it is imposible for a human to hold on to. And it is who I am after all. There was a time when I am doubt that wheather it is no good to put too much emotion for what had happened. Yes it is no good. But not to everything. There are something still, you can't get to know, learn or feel without strong emotion, from heart.
By doing that, I put my soul on six of them, who actually able to indirectly affect my emotion, in other word, to control the feeling of my heart; the truth, I am the one think by using both my heart and brain.
And now , they had become the motion or strenght to every single thing I do to improve.
Yet , I do not lost myself. To be clear, putting the soul of my heart on the six of them is nothing to do for being myself.
And the reason I am doing it, maybe you are doing the same without notice yourself, simple, just because I feel free , happy , relax and able to express my emotion the time I am with them. And the real point i get to be myself when I am with them.
Human live in the time when we breath. How long more you should hide your emotion. Like me, there maybe someone who actually watching you longer or more than you even realize. Sorry for the one who can't get what I am trying to tell in this blog, try to think with your heart, not your head. haha....
*****
Use your head to find the answer when you are getting the work done.
Use your heart to find the answer when you are getting yourself done.
2009年8月23日星期日
The Buns...
BASE ON TRUE STORY OF MINE. lolx. start of with a less formal style. Okay. Its a sunny saturday,one of my friend suggest that we go for tea with our old school classmates. My friend drove my car and we started our journey, and i have to say except for my friend who was driving, no one knows where we were actually going.
Open the GPS. " waaaooo" , on the screen, 3 journeys.
1st journey : 25km++
2nd journey: 40km ++
3rd journey : 20km++
total of 85km++ What the.....
God. 2 hours drive for tea? I can't even believe it myself. lolx. The time we arrived, and my friend said :" Here is Tanjung Sepang, they sell the best bun in town. Lots of the celebrities were here just to test the buns. "
SWTness.. Anyway, i brought some for her ^^.
On that day. 6 of us, guess some of them were sleeping along the journey, some even complaining that it was crazy, just because of bun..
Well, honestly i feel it was kind of crazy too, too bad the last time I check, i build my life most on craziness.
The bun is nice.
Many people will think that something use to happen to be suck.. but different people think the other way.
Along the journey, I do enjoy side seeing, the forest neutral and the beautiful sea side. The old style kinda living area, old houses and shops. Feel like walking back to history, a time with no rushing for work, no tension for life, no depression over problems. There is one kind of undescridable feelings of relaxation and peaces.
I really can't write the feelings i had at that moment, it is magical, touching. Leave it for your own imagination. haha.
Went back on the evening. Sunset accompany us along the journey. Warm... ^^
There is no point of living life without taking a few chances, someone said that. And I guess thats who I am.
There are someone took airplane to Hong Kong for a DIM SAM breakfast and back to Malaysia in the evening, so what? lolx.
I love the buns. Still warm when i gave them to her ^^ hahaha.
Open the GPS. " waaaooo" , on the screen, 3 journeys.
1st journey : 25km++
2nd journey: 40km ++
3rd journey : 20km++
total of 85km++ What the.....
God. 2 hours drive for tea? I can't even believe it myself. lolx. The time we arrived, and my friend said :" Here is Tanjung Sepang, they sell the best bun in town. Lots of the celebrities were here just to test the buns. "
SWTness.. Anyway, i brought some for her ^^.
On that day. 6 of us, guess some of them were sleeping along the journey, some even complaining that it was crazy, just because of bun..
Well, honestly i feel it was kind of crazy too, too bad the last time I check, i build my life most on craziness.
The bun is nice.
Many people will think that something use to happen to be suck.. but different people think the other way.
Along the journey, I do enjoy side seeing, the forest neutral and the beautiful sea side. The old style kinda living area, old houses and shops. Feel like walking back to history, a time with no rushing for work, no tension for life, no depression over problems. There is one kind of undescridable feelings of relaxation and peaces.
I really can't write the feelings i had at that moment, it is magical, touching. Leave it for your own imagination. haha.
Went back on the evening. Sunset accompany us along the journey. Warm... ^^
There is no point of living life without taking a few chances, someone said that. And I guess thats who I am.
There are someone took airplane to Hong Kong for a DIM SAM breakfast and back to Malaysia in the evening, so what? lolx.
I love the buns. Still warm when i gave them to her ^^ hahaha.
2009年8月20日星期四
To the NamelesS
I like your style. It is okay, I would like to do it your way.
Well, all the time you are giving me good comment, I am thankyou.
^^ I will not ask anything bout you until you wanna tell me yourself.
But allow me to ask, if i wish to leave a message or wanted to talk about the comment, what should I do?.
Neways , Thank you and everyone who actually support my blog.
Wishing for more good post.
Well, all the time you are giving me good comment, I am thankyou.
^^ I will not ask anything bout you until you wanna tell me yourself.
But allow me to ask, if i wish to leave a message or wanted to talk about the comment, what should I do?.
Neways , Thank you and everyone who actually support my blog.
Wishing for more good post.
2009年8月15日星期六
Matches in the Dark. The 25 is coming, again.
Start off with a smile. Take a breath. ^^
This will be a Emo blog, or maybe it is not Emo at all. As i said tomorrow never comes late, time flies, it is going to be 25th , this month. It maybe the day that totally changed the way I live my life 5 years ago. The day she left me, her family, all of the friends, and her life...
May i describe more about her. Well, lets start from the face. Two bright eyes which can look deeply into someone. Holding a guitar or violin wherever she goes. Soft hands , little fingers, which can play anytime along with my piano. A very sweet voice that touch everyones heart. Huging that let me know that she is always be with me; with a bit of cigarette smell of Malborol.
After the day of 25th. There is nothing left for everyone who knows her. No more sitting at the corner she always been sitting in the studio. Losting everything i though i can hold up to. No more walking on the little street she walked every weekends to my house. Lots and lots sadness, Emo, Ego, madness, depression , tensions , hopeless....
That all histories. Tonight, I took out the only picture we have, the picture we took with our band. By looking the smile on all the faces in the picture, i can even feel the happiness right now.
Smile~
I feel like there is a kind of sweet feelings going into my heart. There is no more sadness or depression. I know, there is no point of living in the shadow.
Refresh about all the things happen between us. I remember the time i hate when you smoking inside of the studio. The time we complete the first song we composed. The time when we run away from work. The days we both stay back in the studio, sitting together, singing... The time when you lying on my showder over the night. And the matches we play with after we off all the light. The little touch of the flames taht keep both of us warm together.
Guess it will be a rainny day on the 25th. Who knows. I was smiling all the way when typing this blog. I really wanted to thanks her for giving me a really sweet memory in my life. Because there is no point being depressing over her leaving. I guess everyone who knew her would do the same.
Her leaving made me start smoking, but there is someone now who made me stopped, and teached me smile. haha. I guess i will stick to it, for my own health. lolx. I will miss you, we all will miss you, all the time in our heart. And I will also end off with a smile.
R.I.P my friends.
25th of Agust 2004.
This will be a Emo blog, or maybe it is not Emo at all. As i said tomorrow never comes late, time flies, it is going to be 25th , this month. It maybe the day that totally changed the way I live my life 5 years ago. The day she left me, her family, all of the friends, and her life...
May i describe more about her. Well, lets start from the face. Two bright eyes which can look deeply into someone. Holding a guitar or violin wherever she goes. Soft hands , little fingers, which can play anytime along with my piano. A very sweet voice that touch everyones heart. Huging that let me know that she is always be with me; with a bit of cigarette smell of Malborol.
After the day of 25th. There is nothing left for everyone who knows her. No more sitting at the corner she always been sitting in the studio. Losting everything i though i can hold up to. No more walking on the little street she walked every weekends to my house. Lots and lots sadness, Emo, Ego, madness, depression , tensions , hopeless....
That all histories. Tonight, I took out the only picture we have, the picture we took with our band. By looking the smile on all the faces in the picture, i can even feel the happiness right now.
Smile~
I feel like there is a kind of sweet feelings going into my heart. There is no more sadness or depression. I know, there is no point of living in the shadow.
Refresh about all the things happen between us. I remember the time i hate when you smoking inside of the studio. The time we complete the first song we composed. The time when we run away from work. The days we both stay back in the studio, sitting together, singing... The time when you lying on my showder over the night. And the matches we play with after we off all the light. The little touch of the flames taht keep both of us warm together.
Guess it will be a rainny day on the 25th. Who knows. I was smiling all the way when typing this blog. I really wanted to thanks her for giving me a really sweet memory in my life. Because there is no point being depressing over her leaving. I guess everyone who knew her would do the same.
Her leaving made me start smoking, but there is someone now who made me stopped, and teached me smile. haha. I guess i will stick to it, for my own health. lolx. I will miss you, we all will miss you, all the time in our heart. And I will also end off with a smile.
R.I.P my friends.
25th of Agust 2004.
-Feedback-
Thank to all of you who view , comment and support my blogs. Thankful to all the opinions and advises that shared. ^^
And again , hope all of you like my blogs and continue for supportting.
Look forward for more supporters and comments.
P.S : Hope whatever i wrote never offences anyone or anything.
And again , hope all of you like my blogs and continue for supportting.
Look forward for more supporters and comments.
P.S : Hope whatever i wrote never offences anyone or anything.
2009年8月7日星期五
Promise....
When a guy use to like a girl or the other way round, usually one of the them with make up funny promise; like, I love you forever , there is nothing can replace you in my life , I will hold you until the end of the world. bla bla bla.
But how many of them can actually hold to what they promise, or how long they can keep what they said. How hard it is to hold them on. How terrible it is to hold it. Had people start to realize it? Just because of the promise said before...
What is the reason for them to keep to their promise? Because it is really true? How much of them? Because wanted to show others what you are? How real it is? Because you wish to tell the only one something but you can't.
There is too many of fake in this world wish make the real looks fake too...
It really takes a very strong will to hold it on. And the people who realize this are always have a big problem in life. Either they don't make any promises, or they take the whole life for it until the last day, and may get nothing at all.
The day I make a promise to myself, I knew I will waste my whole life for it. It is like dropping a coin into the deep sea, it is final, and there is no return. And again i will stuck myself back into terrible time... all the time...
The takes a great price to whoever wanted to do the same, have a true promise, a life time promise. And it take a great price too for the one who want to believe in it.
The worst thing is even if we take the whole life to hold the promise we made, the keep the words we say, hardly , madly, and yet the one he or she will believe, but they don't even take it seriously at all.
As I always say , and all of them who knew and doing the same thing as I did
I mean what i said, it is true and it will be. Whatever it takes, whatever happen.
As long as I am living , and even there is no one left on the last day of it,
And even you don't care at all,
I promise........
But how many of them can actually hold to what they promise, or how long they can keep what they said. How hard it is to hold them on. How terrible it is to hold it. Had people start to realize it? Just because of the promise said before...
What is the reason for them to keep to their promise? Because it is really true? How much of them? Because wanted to show others what you are? How real it is? Because you wish to tell the only one something but you can't.
There is too many of fake in this world wish make the real looks fake too...
It really takes a very strong will to hold it on. And the people who realize this are always have a big problem in life. Either they don't make any promises, or they take the whole life for it until the last day, and may get nothing at all.
The day I make a promise to myself, I knew I will waste my whole life for it. It is like dropping a coin into the deep sea, it is final, and there is no return. And again i will stuck myself back into terrible time... all the time...
The takes a great price to whoever wanted to do the same, have a true promise, a life time promise. And it take a great price too for the one who want to believe in it.
The worst thing is even if we take the whole life to hold the promise we made, the keep the words we say, hardly , madly, and yet the one he or she will believe, but they don't even take it seriously at all.
As I always say , and all of them who knew and doing the same thing as I did
I mean what i said, it is true and it will be. Whatever it takes, whatever happen.
As long as I am living , and even there is no one left on the last day of it,
And even you don't care at all,
I promise........
2009年8月2日星期日
Knowing_____________ Me
The morning i woke up to look myself in the mirror knowing that my body is still warm.
The breakfast i ate to realize the age of my mom knowing that time flys.
The car i washed to see it dust knowing how long things i stopped care of.
The bottles i cleaned at the bar to let them look shinny knowing the period of time i stopped drinking.
The lighter i kept in place after using knowing that i have stopped smoking.
The piano i played which it sound weird knowing when it is the last tuning.
The picture i looked which took during secondary knowing that i am moving on.
The song i heard that i love the most knowing the things which i hold on always.
The little dog that i love look at me in its eyes knowing how long it have been the last time i touched its head.
The cool wind i need to let me relax knowing how much depression i can stand and left.
The feeling i miss everytime i be with you knowing how sweet the memory is.
The smile i seen always which make me lose all my tension knowing when is the time i learn how to smile.
The phone i am using contain lots of credit knowing how long i nve call my friends.
The people i saw on the street walking with depression and sadness in the rain knowing life is unpredictable.
The guy i saw who always go the same psychologist knowing that human mind are not that easy to cure.
The last minutes packing i do to go back to my college knowing tomorrow never come late.
The breakfast i ate to realize the age of my mom knowing that time flys.
The car i washed to see it dust knowing how long things i stopped care of.
The bottles i cleaned at the bar to let them look shinny knowing the period of time i stopped drinking.
The lighter i kept in place after using knowing that i have stopped smoking.
The piano i played which it sound weird knowing when it is the last tuning.
The picture i looked which took during secondary knowing that i am moving on.
The song i heard that i love the most knowing the things which i hold on always.
The little dog that i love look at me in its eyes knowing how long it have been the last time i touched its head.
The cool wind i need to let me relax knowing how much depression i can stand and left.
The feeling i miss everytime i be with you knowing how sweet the memory is.
The smile i seen always which make me lose all my tension knowing when is the time i learn how to smile.
The phone i am using contain lots of credit knowing how long i nve call my friends.
The people i saw on the street walking with depression and sadness in the rain knowing life is unpredictable.
The guy i saw who always go the same psychologist knowing that human mind are not that easy to cure.
The last minutes packing i do to go back to my college knowing tomorrow never come late.
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